A little explanation

I have had torrents of strange thoughts in my head lately. They are inexpiable thoughts because they can’t be expressed through words. They seem like fragments of something far more than just… I don’t know… anything we as a people can perceive. In the easiest way, its the voice of God.

    I’m not talking about a religious God, or Jesus, or any of the other Pantheons people choose to pray. I call it God because its the word that wants to be spoken through me. It is something far more than that can be understood and something far less than what we as a people want it to be. No matter what you call it; I call it God.

     Let me be direct

I DO NOT NOR WILL I EVER CALL MYSELF A RELIGIOUS MAN NOR WILL I EVER SAY RELIGION IS A GOOD THING. 

      This is important for you to know. I, unfortunately, will have to repeat this so please get used to it. 

     Let me take a step back and explain the reason for this blog and these feelings that need to be shared. On January 8, 2013, while working the midnight shift at a local convenience store, a group of individuals robbed me, beating me with baseball bats and leaving me for dead.

     Now what I am about to say will be scoffed at and many of you will tell me “You’re over reacting”, but when I say this I know its true. Please understand that your disbelief is normal.

     During that beating I died. I know this because I know I should have bled out in the time I had been unconscious. I have had EMT Training with the Air Force and I know how quickly serious head wounds like mine can bleed out. I know I died because I know what it feels like to have your heart stop beating and I know what my first heartbeat felt like. On January 8, 2013, I died and was reborn. 

     Someone asked me once “What did you see when you were dead?” I know many people will ask me that silently and through words, I can’t explain it properly but I can help you understand what I “saw”. 

     Imagine the deepest, most vibrant color of green. Focus all your thoughts on that color and when you think it can’t become any greener, I want you to associate a tone that would perfectly describe that green. When you create that perfect tone, that feeling you have… well it needs to be understood and it wants you to understand that it needs to be shared. The feeling is alive and its in all of us. Its alive, although weak. That feeling wants us to feel the same way and to share that feeling to others. 

     I know it sounds funny and I know many of your want to tell me what I think is bullshit or that I’m exaggerating my accident and others may want to say its PTSD, but I promise you all my words are true. I feel the power of the world and it seems like everyday it gets harder to block out the tsunami of thoughts. 

      I want you to understand that I know what happened to me was my fault. I take blame because I created that reality. I have, in my life created every negative and positive thing and brought it into existence. I must be crazy right? Wrong. 

     I have come to realize that what I think creates the reality I want to see, I create the truths I want to believe and I deserve everything I get. I understand that we all have this ability and I recently have come to understand this insight. Please understand this I am not preaching to you a religious dogma, or an atheists mind set. 

      I am saying that there is a much higher power than what we want to think. Atheists may just want to deny the existence of a higher power, or that fate and destiny, have strong pulls on our lives, although we make the choices, your destiny in this world will always come to fruition and fate will always have the final say. 

    I will be doing at first a weekly blog and focusing on a single topic at first until I form a fan base. After that I will happily pick up topics from any notes or questions. Until then 

Namaste